March 2012
4 posts
unoffendableitis
What is this condition I have in which I seem quite UNOFFENDABLE. I can’t imagine any written word that would make me mad. Of course aside from someone making threats to me or my kids. Besides that, I can’t imagine anything anyone could ever post on a public forum that would truly make me mad. Is this normal? Is my brain missing a part? I think it would be funny if I became a serial...
My prayer
Dear God,
Please do me this one big favor. Well, it’s not just for me, it’s for the whole world. If you do this one thing, I’ll never ask another favor, neither will the rest of the world. Please, oh please, destroy every religion on the planet. Okay, okay, I know that sounds like a big request, and it is, to be sure. But, c’mon man, this fucking sucks, dude....
aww, nature
I saw a young couple walking by my office, and the guy reached back and slapped the crap out of the girl. I went back inside, got my varmint rifle, propped the door open just enough to get his skull in my crosshairs…. and then remembered that humans shouldn’t interfere with nature, so I let him keep slapping the shit out of her.
How do you get duck sauce out of the duck? This duck is...
yay, religion!
If two tribes of monkeys live near each other, and one tribe likes to murder, and the other tribe does not, guess what. Natural selection has no mercy. Murder trumps core values, intelligence and grace. If you are not prepared to kill, then you should prepare for death. For it is with most certainty a tribe of murderous monkeys will attack eventually.
Imagine a world where the only religion is...
February 2012
5 posts
four sandwiches for sure
If I would have known that you would flake out like this, I would have never gotten involved with you in the first place. It’s not fair to get someone hooked on you and then suddenly stop responding. If you don’t load right now, Words With Friends, I’m going to be very upset with you. But I’ll try again later, okay. You just take your time. I know it’ll be worth the...
fags!
It looks really nice outside. I stepped out there for a minute. Nice, cool air and warming sun. My bike is sitting right across the room. I think I’ll imagine riding my bike around. Yeah. Ooh, but in this daydream my bike has a horn that honks like a duck. Honk. Honk. Just riding down the street honking my horn with all the good folks of the quaint little town of Grand Prairie waving to me...
not shutting up
Tell me more about your favorite deity and money and what you bought your honey. And some drama drama drama, with what you think about Obama. How everything has a purpose while feces flings about the circus. Tell me about the fight you bet on last night and the porn star’s name as your newest tattoo. Tell me how to transcend above all things, well you’re still here, why should I ask...
fuck kirby
Bliss is available only through ignorance. Seeing the world as it truly is never leads to happiness. Accurate reality perceptions lead directly to being a cynical asshole. If you are happy, then you are blind, and that’s okay. I wouldn’t have you any other way. I opened the box of secrets, and now I have it wrapped once again in it’s locks, preparing to drop it over into the...
shoe box
My SUV flipped on it’s side and gasoline was dripping on me, and my seatbelt was stuck. A cop ran up and tried to help, but I yelled, “No! Leave me alone! I don’t want your help!”. “Why not?!”. ” Because you’re a cop! I hate cops!”. ” That doesn’t matter right now! Your car is going to explode! We need to get you out of...
May 2011
1 post
from 2007
quiet and boring six years old sitting in the back seat of grandma’s cadillac too short to see out soft music too low to make out slow excelleration slow slow to a stop slow excelleration low thumping of the street warm smell of tan leather spearmint gum to pass the time summer sun through untinted windows air conditioner fan set on medium open the ashtray perfectly shiny close the ashtray...
April 2011
7 posts
let it develope
Maybe you don’t know what you want
I bet you know what you don’t want when you see it
and maybe when you have a lot of ” don’t wants ” in your mind
they begin to form a vague silhouette of what you do want
I would totally fucking marry the shit out of you.
why even try
As we drove past the botanical gardens I said to her, “I’ll never forget the time we went there and laid in the clover under the tall pecan tree and kissed for
an hour straight.”. She looked at me with her big brown eyes and replied,
” That wasn’t me.”. To which I replied, ” Oh. You know, it wasn’t a pecan tree
either, I think it was an...
but i probably wont
I think I’d like to get complicated
you seem
to me
to be
frustrated
I mix my drinks with a splash of pain
and nickname you both
strawberry rain…
Time travel crush
When I saw the sun rise it made me think of you
Got pain in my eyes for needing something new
The desert rose has seemed to lose it’s spark
I need no help walking through the dark
When i saw you i knew i couldn’t play around
I’m gonna hold you in my hands when the sun goes down
When you’re on my face you know it feels so right
I love the way you never put up a fight
...
March 2011
5 posts
Miss Nature
Watching my breezy curtains full of light
an ice cream truck is rolling by
someone just lit their grill charcoal
the birds are discussing where to go
I’m normally not the one
you’ll find snoozing in the sun
mother nature caught me in her trap
and she’s making me take this nap
For years I’ve heard guys talking about using porno magazines to masturbate.
The few times I’ve tried it, I just got paper cuts.
But that’s still not nearly as bad as when I tried phone sex.
terrible
i’ve been looking at the pros and the cons
the rights and the wrongs
but mostly at your body
i want us to know what we mean when we say we’re very naughty
i want to bite you
i want to follow my first instinct
i want to nibble on the hot pink
i want to bruise you with the deep sink
at least a few times
before the world completely changes
I'll have
I’ll have some pink cotton candy and a tangerine
I have the moon now
and she whispers just to me
I’ll take a ride through the city and down to the sea
I have the stars now
and they sparkle just for me
November 2010
2 posts
“A facebook friend, old neighborhood kid, Mandalyn X posted this:
Do not...”
– Mary Elizabeth Fry, 1932
fairyinthegarden:
I was a jellyfish for halloween. People kept telling me how awesome my costume was :) Except for one woman who thought I was dressed up as rain. xD
October 2010
29 posts
I know it's not late, but I'm tired
went to lakewood bar and grill with ronny so he could film a stupid ass band a friend of ours is in. Mostly his friend.
The photo of the flower with your name on it. Very pretty.
Very very pretty.
That thing Natalie wrote is also pretty.
Even if she didn’t write it, it’s still pretty.
You forcing him to call is pretty, too.
“You’re Pretty Good Looking” - The White Stripes Oh yeah you’re pretty good looking for a girl but your back is so broken and this feeling’s still gonna linger on until the year 2525 now yeah you’re pretty good looking for a girl your eyes are wide open and your thoughts have been stolen by the boys who took you out and bought you everything you want...
And stop calling me Shirley
When I’m feeling like sticking to myself
I can’t feel the weeks slip by
since the last time I went to see my mom
I try to talk to my kids at least once a week
But the days can fly when I’m living in my mind
On some nights I grab me beer and smokes
Sometimes when the city air is full of motion
I yearn to find someone to hang out with
I don’t have a whole lot to say
...
Did he really say that?
A tumblr post said Sigmund Freud said, ” People never really change. All that changes is how you see them.”. I don’t believe he said that. Wouldn’t he expect the retort, ” Well if there is a change in how we see a person, isn’t that us changing?”.
I slept
Got off work. Went to Taco Bell. Ate in their dining room.
Went straight to my nearly cleaned out apartment.
Took a bath.
Laid down on the downstairs “sofa” mattress. Fell asleep about seven o’clock.
Woke up to buddy Ronny calling at ten thirty. Went back to sleep.
Slept slept slept slept.
Looked at the clock around two thirty.
Slept slept slept. Not a depressing...
auto what o?
I was looking through some of your photos and I think I saw her mom. Is she the one that looks like she had some nuclear power plant accident on her face? Looks like half her head melted and started sliding off? That one?
La la la la Ottowattowa, la!
I don’t remember. Did your husband go there last year? Was he near his daughter?
But that’s where she lives?
I got on...
October fifteenth
I’m gonna try to feel bad right now, oh wait there’s the phone.
Okay now where was I? Where am I right now?
I’m gonna try to be sad right now. Just let me clean my desk first.
I just realized they didn’t put bacon on that cheeseburger I ate, but it was still good.
What was I just about to do?
Oh, yeah I’m supposed to be crying over you.
I’m not trying to...
And so closes that book
In time you will see
I helped cure you of me
Oh, man remember that time back in 2010 when we started seeing each other while you were married and we got caught in bed by your husband and he threw you out and we stayed at the budget suites for two weeks and then got an apartment together and you were excited about us being together but I was trying to decide if I could stand the whole idea of...
Had a dream I found my camera.
Not that it’s officially missing, I’m sure I left it at my mom’s house on Sunday. I sure do miss my camera, I think even a little more than I missed my sunglasses that I had left in my mom’s car, and not having those causes physical discomfort.
Buddy Joel forced me to let him help me move stuff out of my apartment. I’ve got most things out of it. Made a crazy toy...
And, still.
Brakes are good. I went a long time when I was a kid without brakes.
I would shove my shoe in the back wheel to slow down, it worked pretty darn good.
Obviously I stayed up here drinking pretty late last night.
I didn’t want to go home with Tabitha there. When I finally did, she was asleep in the living room where I could see her. This morning she laid there looking at the TV with...
i am dinu lapatti: Bird On The Wire →
fortheloveofpetrichor:
By Leonard Cohen
Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir I have tried in my way to be free. Like a worm on a hook, like a knight from some old fashioned book I have saved all my ribbons for thee. If I, if I have been unkind, I hope that you can just let it go by. If I, if I have…
Kiss my ass, all you people who, "do what they...
” I’m sorry, but I’m afraid my fall slash winter season is booked.”
” I would like my session done in my home. It is small dark and usually in a state of disenchantment.”
Disenchantment. I’m gonna have to remember that one.
Now think back to the list of the worst moments in your life. Good. Good.
Now pick one of those worst moments and try to...
If I can't define it, I can't acknowledge it.
So, what IS the difference between a guy and a girl being ,”just friends”, and being lovers or boyfriend/girlfriend?
There must be some difference, otherwise they shouldn’t have different titles.
Of course many people would say sex is a big determining factor, although there are couples who don’t have sex, but they are “waiting” for the sex. Surely...
