If I would have known that you would flake out like this, I would have never gotten involved with you in the first place. It’s not fair to get someone hooked on you and then suddenly stop responding. If you don’t load right now, Words With Friends, I’m going to be very upset with you. But I’ll try again later, okay. You just take your time. I know it’ll be worth the wait. I miss your translucent little gold tiles.
It irritates me when someone tells me about something bad that happened to them or whatever, and I say, “I’m sorry”, and they’re like, ” It’s not your fault”, and I want to be like, ” Oh no shit? It’s not my fault that your uncle wrecked his car or your grandma broke her hip? Yeah, dumbass, I know it’s not my effing fault! ‘I’m sorry.’ is what people say to other’s tales of woe, you dick jerk f-tard!”. But I don’t usually say all that, I just think it real hard.
I was in a customer’s house, and they had the stupidest fireman pole. It stopped at the ceiling so you’d have to climb up it before sliding down. My attitude is, if you don’t do it right, don’t even bother. It wasn’t even a two story house. Dumbasses.
Last night was cool. I drank a bunch of beer and then threw up in the mop sink at work. I kept throwing up and throwing up, I just didn’t know when it was going to end. Then I drank a bunch of water and laid down on the sofa. At about four am, I woke up and drank a big glass of ice water and started feeling sick again, so I went out front this time and threw up all over the sidewalk. The weird thing was that I was throwing up nice refreshing clear cold water. And I kept throwing up and throwing up, I just didn’t know when it was going to end.
Another thing that would suck about having a girlfriend who’s memory erased every day is having to teach her everything over and over again. How to use the washer and dryer, how to operated the stove and oven and where all the dishes go. How to take off her clothes and shut the hell up…
If I had a girlfriend who’s memory erased every night, I think it might suck. Then again, to spice things up, I’d probably have some nights where I did terrible or perverted things to her. Unspeakable things. Now that would be funny.
woops, stole the whataburger table tent, maybe i should start collecting them, or i could get some friends together and we could play whataburger, I think they’re tired of playing six flags, probably because i yell at them a lot for not all leaning the same direction when we’re pretending to be on a roller coaster, but i mean c’mon, how can you have fun when everyone is defying the laws of physics, dumbasses! Anyway, it’s table tent number 72, i wonder how high the numbers go
If we were stranded on a desert island, I would totally try to mate with you. You know, after some time had gone by. Like forty minutes.
” I am not a box cutter! I am a finely tuned killing machine! You dishonor me with this menial task! I command you to cease and desist immediately!”.
I looked around to see if anyone else heard my knife as I put it in my pocket and went searching for a box cutter.
